Farewell to Nila ~ We will miss her!

12/18/04
After searching through hundreds of photos, this is the ONLY one I could find of Nila and me together.

12/24/08


12/24/08

We are so sad that John's mother Nila has passed away. We are feeling a huge void in our home as we are reminded of her at every turn. We know that she is in a better place, enjoying a lovely reunion with her husband Jesus, but we are missing her terribly here. It's comforting to think that Nila is no longer suffering from all the pain she was managing on a daily basis. John and I hope we offered her joy during the last year of her life by having her live here to enjoy her granddaughters.

Although most of my readers know what happened, I want to record the details of her passing for future reference. On Sunday morning (2-8-09), John thought he heard his mom calling him from downstairs. He quickly woke up and rushed down to her room. When he found Nila foaming at the mouth and non responsive, he called 911. The police responded first, then the paramedics. I was holding her hand while they ran tests and waited for the ambulance. Her hand was very warm and we figured she had a pretty high fever. John went with the ambulance to Valley hospital where she measured a fever of 105. They performed a CAT scan, which revealed bleeding in her brain. They suspected that the bleeding occurred over night and caused her to become unconscious. When she regained consciousness, they think she choked on her saliva, causing her to aspirate and allow fluid into her lungs (this is also the reason she was foaming at the mouth when John found her). Because she had MDS (a form of Leukemia where the bone marrow no longer produced platelets, which meant she was dependent on blood transfusions to keep her blood clotting), we always knew this was the risk ... although her platelets sometimes got dangerously low, she managed to keep on fighting for an entire year after her diagnosis. She had bleeding occur in her brain back in November and it looked like she wasn't going to make it, (A crazy 24 hours ... ) yet she miraculously pulled out of it. The doctors told us the bleeding occurred on the perimeter of her brain that time, whereas it occurred more in the center of her brain this last time.

When John called me from the hospital to say things looked bad, I arranged to have Maribel and Marcelo come over to watch the girls so I could go to the hospital. Around 2:30 in the afternoon, the doctor didn't think she'd become responsive and told us to contact all relatives and have the priest come to give last rights. It was so sad to see her laying there. She didn't look very good and it didn't seem like she knew we were there. Once they moved her upstairs to the 4th floor in the ICU, I went home to relieve Maribel so she could go see her aunt. Then Nicole came over to put the girls to bed so I could return to the hospital.

By the evening, she was actually much better and she was responding to us. We were all surprised, as was her doctor. Around 9:30, we decided it was best to go home and get some rest, so Jesus, Nayda, Pepin, Jose, Maribel, and I all left. John stayed the entire night at the hospital. He said she went in and out of responsiveness, but she was stable and her fever was down. He came home early Monday morning because he had to take Jesus's daughter Alexis to school. Once he came back from that, he was exhausted, so he went to sleep. I took Reagan to preschool, then met up with Nicole who took Avery. I got to the hospital around 10:30 am on Monday.

Thanks to Ms. Lisa and Nicole, I was able to spend an hour and a half with Nila on Monday morning. I'll forever be grateful to them for taking care of my girls because it turned out to be the last moments of lucidity for Nila. When I arrived, she was very anxious and agitated. Her nurse, Euniece, told me she'd been like that since she'd arrived at 7am. She'd been complaining of abdominal discomfort, so Euniece had put her on the bedpan several times. Each time yielded no results, so Nila was frustrated. While I was there, Euniece brought her a cup of Milk of Magnesia for her to drink, in an effort to help her with a bowel movement. She was aware enough to sit up and drink the mixture, although she choked on it a little bit because she wasn't used to swallowing. I stood next to her, holding her hand, trying to comfort her and calm her down. She really seemed to be doing much better than she had been the day before, so I was hopeful. Although her words didn't come out very clearly, she tried to speak to me and I know she knew I was there. I'm so happy I had that opportunity to try to provide her comfort. Just before I arrived, the nurse had given her some pain medication, so it finally kicked in while I was there. It helped her relax and I'd like to think I helped as well. I stroked her hair and told her to close her eyes and get some sleep.

The time passed extremely quickly. As I was leaving, I had a nice conversation with Euniece about Nila and her current state. She did not think death was imminent, but did warn me that Nila wasn't producing enough urine, which could mean the beginning signs of kidney failure. She told me that Nila was on 2 different medications that were keeping her blood pressure up. These medications were essentially keeping her alive, since her blood pressure was too low. The danger of these medications was that they pulled all the blood to the heart and the brain, so the extremities and other organs often suffered as a result. Her hands and feet were very cold because of this. Euniece said she would be working until 7PM, but she would be stationed in the OR in the afternoon.
I left the hospital at noon, picked up Avery, then Reagan and then went home. John was showering, getting ready to head back to the hospital. I gave him hopeful news that she was improving, so I was sad to hear that she was non responsive again once he got back to her bedside at 1:30.

Nicole was kind enough to offer to pick up Reagan and then I called Jen and asked if she'd watch Avery so I could return to the hospital. Nicole picked up Reagan at 3:00, then I dropped off Avery at Jen's on my way to Valley. I was there around 3:50 with John, his brother Jesus, his aunt Nayda (Nila's sister) and her husband Pepin. Shortly after I arrived, Dr. Kim came in and we had a family meeting. He told us she was septic and there was no way she'd pull out of it. He said all they could do was to give her morphine to make her comfortable and that he didn't foresee her making it longer than 48 hours. After this news, the 5 of us went into her room in the ICU and stood around her bed for about 30 minutes. Once the morphine kicked in, she was able to breathe more easily and she seemed to relax. Around 4:45, the nurse came in and told us her blood pressure was coming down and that it probably wouldn't be much longer. Within about a minute of her telling us this, Nila finally let go. It was a very emotional moment for all of us, but I was glad we were all there together. We were all amazed that it happened so quickly, but her body had been through SO much by that time that it was also a relief to see her suffering come to an end. I'd never watched anyone leave this world and pass into the afterlife before, so it was a bit surreal. It was conflicting, wanting her to stay with us longer, yet knowing she was finally pain-free. I'm so grateful to Nicole and Jen for allowing me the opportunity to be with Nila in her final moments and to be with my husband to offer him support.

After we left Nila's ICU room, we went to the ICU waiting room for a little while and made phone calls to family members. The morning nurse Euniece walked by and noticed me, so I went out to speak with her. She asked how Nila was doing and when I told her she'd died, her jaw dropped in complete shock. She couldn't believe how quickly she went downhill. She was kind and offered her condolences.

We decided to have everyone come back to our house to start making decisions about funeral arrangements. Nayda, Pepin, Jose, Jesus, Debbie, Josh, Ethan, Maribel, Marcelo and Joaquin all came over. We ordered pizza for dinner and enjoyed the presence of family. The following arrangements were decided:

Anthony R. Pizzi Funeral Home
120 Paris Avenue

Northvale, NJ 07647
http://www.pizzifuneralhome.com/
Viewing - Wednesday, February 11, 2009 – 2-4pm and 7-9pm
Mass Service – Thursday, February 12, 2009 – 11:00 am

St. Joseph and Michael’s Roman Catholic Church
14th St. and Central Avenue
Union City, NJ 07087
Grave site services and Burial to follow – Weehawken Cemetery

John pulled out the old family photo albums and I scanned about 150 pictures onto my computer. I wanted to share some of my favorites:

I'm not sure how old she was in these pictures, but it's obvious she was very beautiful

John said this was one of Nila's favorite pictures ... it was taken before she was married to his father and she was in a car with a friend, when he opened an umbrella. Her face expression is priceless!

Nila is the woman on the far right, dressed in all white. I think she looks beautiful in this picture and you can tell she was once very tall, since she's as tall as the others who are standing up on a step.

Her wedding picture ... John said she was very unhappy with her photographer, since her wedding took place in Cuba under communist Fidel Castro, so a photographer was assigned and she had no say in it.

Nila and Jesus on their wedding day

Jesus and Nila in Cuba

Jesus and Nila in Cuba

Nila on the beach in Cuba

Nila in Cuba - not sure if that's Jesus or John as a baby

I'm assuming this is John's christening in Cuba because it looks like his father is holding his brother Jesus ... and that's a young Nayda and Pepin!

I love this picture of Nila feeding a baby ... not sure who any of the kids are though!


This is a big guess, but this may have been Nila's passport picture for when she came to the US from Cuba


I think this was in Union City, shortly after they arrived from Cuba ... Jesus was 3 and John was about 20 months old.

What a great family picture this is ... I love John's pudgy little legs :)


The following 3 pictures had me laughing out loud when I first saw them! I had no idea that Nila used to wear wigs! Apparently, she and her sisters, and many women in the 60's and 70's often wore wigs. These pictures are priceless :)

(that's John on the far left, smiling) Nila is holding Maribel and she hand-made the dress she is wearing (the blue one)

This wig cracks me up!

Many of you might not know that Nila worked very hard in Cuba to earn an education. This was uncommon for women to go to college. She taught school and became a principal. When she came to the United States, she was unable to bring anything with her and her degrees were not recognized here. She was about 43 years old, she did not speak English and she had two young children (the same ages mine are today). She completely started over, learned the language and went to school. The above picture shows Nila on her graduation day with John, a very proud moment, I'm sure.

John and Nila

Jesus and Nila

Jesus and Nila

Jesus and Nila ... isn't it obvious they were a very happily married couple?

I love this picture ... here's John's father Jesus, then John (in red sweat pants because he was sick) John's grandmother, Nila, Nayda and Pepin.

Nila and Jesus

I love this picture too ... it's obviously John's birthday, maybe his 21st? That's how many candles I count. There's a very young Maribel to his left (that would make her about 15) and his parents above him. I love that Nila is wearing her "Madrid University" shirt ... pictured again in the same shirt below, 20+ years later!

Nila, wearing the same shirt at Avery's 1st birthday party, 11/02/08

I had to post this funny picture of Nila holding a fish because I have humorous memories of her with fish ... sharing a kitchen with Nila wasn't always easy, especially when she decided to cook fish. She would sometimes take a whole fish out of the freezer and leave it in the fridge a few days to defrost. Ever since my pregnancy with Reagan, I've been very sensitive to smells, especially fishy smells. Looking back, I often over-reacted and I wish I'd just laughed off those moments that her eating and cooking habits drove me nuts :)

Nila, Alexis and Nayda (1996?)

Nereyda, Nila and Nayda (Sisters, if you can't tell by the names!)

Nila's Surprise 80th Birthday party, September 2004

John and Nila - 80th birthday party at Bacari Grill

Thanksgiving 2004 - Nila, Pepin, and Nayda

Nila and Nayda at our house for a Christmas/birthday party for John 12/18/04

Opening a gift from us - a framed picture from her 80th birthday party

Nila, Nayda, Pepin, and Jose, at Joshua's 1st Birthday party at Debbie and Jesus's townhouse (March 2005)

Nila, Gabby, Doreen, Nayda, Maribel and Ethan, Debbie and Lauren

Easter Sunday at our house 3-27-05

This is one of my favorite picture ... 4/3/08 Although Nila couldn't help me much with the girls, she was extremely helpful by holding Avery so I could attend to Reagan. They spent so many hours together on the couch and Nila sometimes fell asleep holding her. They had a very special bond and Avery now seems to have a few special qualities that remind us of Nila. For instance, Avery eats just about everything, yet she has a huge aversion to chicken of every sort. Nila was the same way.

9/30/08 In August and September last year, Nila spent several weeks in the hospital and then several weeks in an intermediate care facility, due to a serious infection that required intravenous antibiotics administered twice daily. This is a picture of the day she came home ... the girls were so excited to see her!

Nila left a huge hole in our house, but she's still very present in our hearts and memories each and every day. We miss her terribly. John was such a wonderful son to her and I'm proud to be married to such a giving, caring, and loving man. It breaks my heart that our children will never really know their grandparents on their father's side. It's tragic. It's also sad that their grandparents and great-grandparents (on my side), live so many miles away. But, such is life and we'll do our best to nurture the relationships we have.